THE GOOD SHEPHERD DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER

CHRIST THE GOOD SHEPHERD

The Sisters of the Good Shepherd were founded in 1641 in France to help prostituted women and are now serving in 72 countries. As Sr. Anne Kelley, Executive Director of the Good Shepherd Shelter in Los Angeles, points out, close to 98% of prostituted women were sexually abused as children.

“Almost all of our work—worldwide—is with women and children, most of whom have been abused or exploited in some way—trafficking victims, runaways, domestic violence. One in three women world-wide will be abused at some point in her lifetime.”

The Sisters have been serving in Los Angeles for 111 years. Initially they cared for abused children and runaways but changed the program in 1977 to serve mothers and their children who were victims of domestic violence. They saw from the beginning that the way to stem the violence was to change the home. Good Shepherd Shelter was one of the first of three in the whole country for victims of domestic violence.”

“These guys are very charming,” Sr. Anne explains of the batterers. “That’s how they get the girl in the first place. Then they get possessive. It’s not about anger. It’s about control.”

“In the cycle of domestic violence we have what we call the tension-building phase. Then the battering phase. Then the honeymoon phase where they say, ‘I love you so much! I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again.’”

Women leave a domestic violence situation seven times before they leave permanently.

“There are a thousand reasons for that. Most of them are survival reasons. He’ll threaten her, her children, her parents, her pets. 75% of the women who are killed are killed after they’ve left or are in the process of leaving.

“So it’s really, really dangerous. The women are really, really brave. And we’re under the radar by design.”

Typically a woman will come to Good Shepherd from a domestic violence emergency shelter.

“We’re looking for families where the woman is ‘done.’ What makes her done is when she realizes the children are being abused, physically and/or sexually. ‘I don’t care what you do to me, but you’re not touching the kids.’ They will literally die for their children, and some of them do, but they’ll also live for their children. So they’ll set the pattern for their children’s future.”

All the women at Good Shepherd bring kids with them. The shelter has a school on-site. They handle everything: housing, education, therapy, legal.

How do the sisters protect themselves and their flock?

“Do you want to meet my Rottweilers? We have a fully integrated security system. We have gates all around. We’re on very close terms with the local police.”

In the garden, Sr. Renée is showing a mother and her two kids how to plant sunflower seeds. The planting of a seed, in the midst of such darkness and trauma, seems tantamount to an act of resistance. As well, they grow Tuscan kale, Swiss chard, strawberries, herbs and more.

The extensive grounds are dotted with tall, old-growth trees: jacaranda, deodar, Aleppo pine.

“Those little trees over there used to be big trees,” Sr. Anne points out. “We had a couple of boys who were incredibly violent. They broke all the lower branches. So we had a little pro-life talk. We took up a collection and they paid for new trees and we dug the holes and we had a blessing of the trees to show them ‘This is a living thing, just like you.’ ”

Kids, mothers and staff together do yoga right in the yard, next to the flowers and trees. Other coping skills taught by the sisters include deep breathing, trauma journals, and meditation.

“That’s how you break the generational cycle. You give these kids the tools and teach them that they have the personal power.”

The mother is key. The sisters’ goal is to help her grow as person, parent, provider, in that order. Their feeling becomes, ‘I got these beautiful children. God brought something good out of this traumatic experience.’ When they leave here, they’re incredibly strong and they’re proud of what they’ve done.”

96% of their families go on to live violence-free lives. Most of their kids go on to college.

Says Director of Development Kathleen Buczko: “I believe the Good Shepherd model represents the best chance for the City of Los Angeles to combat and eliminate domestic violence.”

“If we can work to tell this story of the sisters and how they rebuild families, we can change the face of the whole nation, if not the world.”

What’s kept Sr. Anne going for thirty-one years?

“Watching the miracles every day. Seeing a woman for the first time discovering her grace and dignity. We have a little boy here, Joey, who’s 4. He hadn’t talked since he came in.

“A couple of weeks ago three sisters came in, all at different times, and said—‘Joey talked! Joey talked!!’

“Finally, he trusted us enough to speak.”

“It’s very exciting to watch the plants grow and to watch the children blossom.”

2 Replies to “THE GOOD SHEPHERD DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER”

  1. This is an extremely touching piece, Heather. Thank you.
    Kirk

  2. What beautiful succulents!

    I share office space with a program designed to protect, offer advocacy, and meet the needs of those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking violence. Things we note on a daily basis is that yes, indeed, those who perpetrate violence onto others are not acting out of anger, but of a desire for control, and those who've been victimized by a partner often return to their abusive partner many times before they finally leave the situation for good (I want to say the average is leaving/returning twelve times before the final move is made). That's often due to the charm the perpetrators demonstrate (and yes, sometimes threats or harm). And, as the Sisters of The Good Shepard pointed out of prostituted women: they've been abused as children, and either know no better, or do not believe they deserve anything healthier, safer, or more stable than the abuse. Advocacy is hard work. It is sad work. It is work that seems to have no end. But, oh, may there be an end to this madness!

I WELCOME YOUR COMMENTS!