I must say I have not been entirely well. I have been so far out of my normal routine and therefore “out of my comfort zone” that I’m not sure what’s going on.
On top of it, my mother is fading. I was so grateful to spend last week with her, but there were of course many emotions as well, and leaving her was wrenching.
This morning I was cleaning my desk and I came across a little card a friend sent me years ago. It’s a quote from Dorothy Day: “I always had a sense of being followed, of being desired, a sense of hope and expectation.”
I thought, Well I haven’t. I’ve had a sense of abandonment and failure and pulsating, electric fear. I threw the card in the wastebasket and started crying.
And then I went to Mass.
|DETAIL, ISENHEIM ALTARPIECE
MATTHIAS GRÜNEWALD, 1506-1515