Ever since I started this blog, I’ve spent a fair amount of time searching images on Google. You can find anything up there: pepper trees, the paintings of Matthias Grunewald, headshots of Camus. Helpful prompts appear and you know that other people have been looking for the same things you are. I’m not sure how it happened–I may have been searching for Van Gogh’s “Wheat Field with Lark” and miskeyed–but the other day the first prompt that came up was: “What does a girls period look like?”

Ha ha, I thought, the question of the ages, and moved on. But then I started musing on how instead of just typing “girls [sic] period,” the person had posed a question. I thought, instead of simply searching for an image, maybe people were asking a whole slew of questions. Either that, or people were captioning their images with questions. Or both. So I went to images.google.com and typed in “what” and the prompts that came up revealed a whole world. That is really, I have to say, in some sense my world. And perhaps, in some small part, yours…

what does a girls period look like
what is love
what does my name mean
what does herpes look like
what does a miscarriage look like
what does lice look like
what does a trillion dollars look like
what does lady gaga really look like
what does a bed bug look like
what does a mucus plug look like
what does a positive TB test look like
what does a yeast infection look like
what does a girls private look like
what does a flea look like
what does a cavity look like
what does a brown recluse spider look like
what does a blood clot look like
what does a brazilian wax look like
what does a birth certificate look like
what does a condom look like on a guy


why does my mom turn me on
why does my eye twitch
why does kim zolciak wear a wig
why does my poop float
why does love hurt
why does sara palin wear thongs
why doesnt eminem smile
why does it always rain on me

why doesnt hello kitty have a mouth
why doesnt he love me
why doesnt alcohol freeze
why doesnt glue stick to the inside of the bottle
why doesnt she love me

why is there school
why is the rum gone
why is my poop green
why is a raven like a writing desk
why is lil wayne in jail
why is 6 afraid of 7
why is my poop white

why so serious
why fat people shouldn’t bungee jump
why me
why did i get married
why can’t i hold all these limes

why iranian women are so beautiful
why are men attracted to breasts
why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria
why are girls so hot
why are you wearing that stupid man suit
why did i get married too

why are we here
why are me


  1. ….I'll get back to you with all the answers….I just thought of an Idea for a great Book….''THE HISTORY OF CLAPPING''…great right?….don't tell anyone…please….

  2. This is very close to a type of poetry called flarf – wikipedia has a definition. Different googling techniques are used to dredge up material, and the poet uses less or more intervention to create strange-sounding pieces. Your lists would qualify. I like to take love songs in other languages, parse them through google Translate, and then take the wackiest sounding lines for the beginning text of a poem. Fun pastime!

  3. Ah, Google Instant. It can be like telling a perfectly innocuous story to someone and having them accuse you of indecency!

    Reminds me of a scene from an old Rodney Dangerfield movie. When a wealthy flirt (played to perfection by Sally Kellerman) asks him, "Would you like to see my Klimt?" his eyes bug out.

  4. I left out some of the really dirty stuff…but with very little editing this emerged more or less intact. I somehow find it comforting that, just as in medieval times, we're obsessed with bodily functions and decay…I had to look up Kim Zolciak, thought maybe she was some obscure high school sophomore…which it appears she should be…and I still don't know who "lil wayne" is…but then, I really don't have to…cause all we really want to know is: WHAT IS LOVE???? and two, WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME???

  5. What does a mucus plug look like? I remember that from medical…we actually had a patient call & ask that…said she thought it was a mucus plug of her husband's but it could be something else.
    Uhm, I just did not have the guts to ask an old lady what ELSE she thought it could be. ~Mary

  6. Well, Mary, I'm not sure what a mucus plug even IS–hopefully not something you put that extension cord into! And though I'm sure there are images galore I think, just for today, I'll refrain from peeking…
    Are you a nurse to be receiving such interesting calls? Or better yet, a doctor?…

  7. Anonymous says: Reply

    Not a medically trained person. I was running a medical practice at the time..and was stupid enough to say: If you are busy up front, just send the difficult calls (read:annoying, long and/or emotional)back to my office.
    And boy did they ever :-).

    One guy spent 20 minutes telling me about the headache he had every time he orgasmed..and yes, that can denote a serious medical condition…but…he went into a little too much detail.

  8. Anonymous says: Reply

    Ha, I reread that & it sounds like I didn't have any training at all & just wandered in to run a medical practice- my training is on the business medical & complex coding end, but after years of doing it, I learned a lot about the clinical as well.~Mary

  9. Gotcha. My ex-husband was a carpenter turned nurse so I got to hear many strange medical/clinical stories…